Seven days

Do I really have to wait that long? I guess it would be different if I knew that somehow you would be online sooner than that.

This has really thrown me for a loop. I get over you and then you come back. You say all these nice things that make me shiver and wish that you were here right at that moment so I could hug you and never let go.

I suppose it would be unlike my life for things to come easily. That's for everyone else. How does that go again? You meet. You date for 2.5 years. Then you get married. And after 4.5 years of being together, you decide to have kids. And the rest is history.

Not my life. Never my life.

Six long years...

It's really been that long. No one is allowed to complain around me. For real. At least you wouldn't get any sympathy from me.

I went to see a cheesy girly movie today with my cousin. I knew almost exactly what was going to happen, yet I didn't care. Sometimes it's fun to get wrapped up in greater than life fiction. It almost makes the rest of life's worries go away.

My SI joint has been out since about Tuesday, which is making it very difficult for me to walk, sit, sleep and everything else you could imagine. I can't really think about going anywhere (more than the movie I went to see today) but I'm bored to death sitting at home by myself.

I just want it to be Thursday so I can leave for a bit and re-group.

Pleading the Fifth

We don't even have that where I come from. I'm sure there's something similar, but being bombarded by American culture, you can easily use that saying w/o getting looked at like you're crazy.

Sometimes I wonder why I want to go there so badly. I guess I just love it. I guess it's somewhere different than I am right now. I guess it feels like there's nothing left for me here.

From my apartment, skate to work, be at work for 10-13 hours, skate home, eat supper, be too tired to call anyone to hang out, go to sleep semi-early and then get up and do it all over again. No time or outlet to meet people I actually WANT to hang out with. I feel so trapped.

This weekend was awesome tho. The one person who I love to do stuff with was in town and we went to the Resevoir to take pictures and just hang out. I don't ever feel like I have to be someone I'm not when we're together. It's the best feeling in the whole wide world. I've always said, I need to find someone of the opposite sex who is just like her. I'd be set.

Four!!!

Golf is an odd sport. I am told by some of my clients that in order to make in the social world of downtown, you must be able to golf. Or at least fake your way through it. While I think the sport is great and involves a lot of skill and practice, it really isn't my thing. I liked it much more when it involved playing for fun on my parent's acreage, where we made holes with sour cream containers and the courses involved 'hitting the ball off the north side of the old barn then through the lilac bushes' and the water trap was basically the pond out back.

I guess I've been thinking a lot about this because I will be going "home" soon (meaning, where I grew up). Only for a week and a bit. I haven't been back since Christmas, so it'll be interesting. At least maybe it will make me more excited to be here. That's what I'm hoping for.

3rd Base

What the heck is 3rd base anyways? I wouldn't know. I haven't been there in a loooooong time.

I really hate being lied to. I'm finding that it's happening more and more frequently at work. Little lies that are built around the reasoning that it will help generate larger sales. Screw the money. It's not worth it. My dignity is way more important than the false sense of occupational success.

It's 9:00pm and I have yet to eat supper. My food plan went all crazy today. Usually, I'm overeating, today I underate. Just ran out of time. I better go do that now before it's time to sleep again.

2nd Chances

I always believed in second chances. I guess in being an optimist, I thought there must be a reason for people failing me. They wouldn't intentionally do something that would cause pain. Of course that seems irrational. But remember, I am an optimist. I see the best in everyone. At least I try.

I don't know that I'll ever get over the timely misfortune of not getting to meet Mikey. That it's actually possible that I went all the way to New York City three times and every time, he happened to be out of town or mistakenly gave me his old cell phone number. Maybe it was just bad timing or maybe it was just fate giving me a kick in the balls (if I had any), telling me to grow up and stop dreaming.

The funny thing is that if I had the chance to actually meet him face to face, I'd forgive and forget in a flash. To me, grudges are silly. I don't see the point. If you're truly sorry, then that's it. Move on. And forward.

The rough part is that I never seem to get the chance to resolve such matters. It just sits there, stored in a dusty folder somewhere in the file cabinet that is my memory. And every once in awhile, it gets dusted off to re-live the twisted dagger that pierced my heart. How dramatic is that!?!?

I'm really good at giving people second chances, but when is it my turn for one of those as well?

1st Place

I've been missing having a journal ever since my account ran out with BME. Mostly just because the days seem to blur and I can't remember what the heck I did yesterday, nevermind 2 weeks ago.

Today has actually been pretty productive so far, considering I've studied for my MES exam and gone grocery shopping, it only being 2:00. Of course there's still about another 100 things on my list. I'll get to them eventually.

I've decided that I am a creature of habit. I'll eat the same things all week and never get bored. I feel sorry for the poor soul that ever ends up marrying me. They'll be eating veggie dogs with tomatoes and spinach for the rest of their life. That is if I ever get married. If not, I'll just spend my days making large contributions to the Yves empire.

There's more to write, but I have a bit of time to start working on my client stuff. I'm sure I'll be back soon enough